Are you wondering how to respond to an ex asking how you are?
That unexpected message/call popped up on your phone screen and now you feel baffled. Or perhaps you might meet them in an event and want to feel prepared to face them.
Well, the simple question can evoke so many emotions. And you have to fight with every ounce of emotion to not go overboard.
So, if your ex is reaching out, delve right in to navigate through the terrain of emotions and human connection.
How To Respond To An Ex Asking How You Are? 20 Tips
You split up with your partner and move on, and then all of a sudden—Bam!
That’s when they decide to get in touch with you. You read/hear three words, ‘How are you?’ and your body reacts in panic.
Well. here are different ways to respond to them based on your situation!
1. Be Kind And Respectful
Since you are a kind, considerate, and caring person, you ought to answer in a way that is true to who you are.
When choosing how to respond, reflect on the person you’ve become after the split. It’s important to answer with dignity and kindness.
2. Consider No Response
If the breakup was bitter or your current emotional and mental state isn’t stable, not responding is the best choice.
Sure, it sounds harsh or even insulting. But at least you won’t reopen wounds that have already been closed if your breakup was difficult or painful.
3. Offer A Brief, Friendly Gesture
You can also choose to reply with a brief, friendly response, such as a simple emoji or GIF. It doesn’t need to be flirtatious or extensive.
It doesn’t take a lot of thought and time. Further, you can just avoid coming out as rude this way. A minimal-effort response is both polite and non-committal.
4. Take Your Emotional State Into Account
Consider how you feel about your ex before you write your response. Positive or neutral feelings may make you more receptive to an open discussion.
When animosity or bitterness is prevalent, follow point #2. But if you still want to answer, respond in a closed, non-revealing manner.
5. Think Whether You Should Show Vulnerability
Before answering, think about how open you are to being vulnerable with your ex.
If you’re having a hard time and need comfort, consider that your ex may not be able to meet them.
You’ll risk getting hurt all over if you share your emotional demands with them. So, it’s better not to mention that at all.
6. Set Healthy Boundaries
If you’re still healing from the breakup, prioritize setting healthy boundaries. Avoid oversharing and stick to polite, small talk rather than delving into deeper, personal matters.
Even if they try to get all chatty and all interested in your life, refrain from letting them in. Be clear about what and how much you can talk about.
7. Prioritize Your Own Judgment
You don’t need to follow these tips blindly. Instead, give your feelings some thought, then carefully consider how you want to respond.
Remember, there isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution. It relies on the particular dynamics and outcome of your previous relationship.
Your friends may also give you some ideas. But make sure you make the final call when responding!
8. Skip The Passion If You’re Taken
Receiving a message from an ex can be a challenging situation, especially when you’ve moved on and started dating someone new.
One approach is to reply with warm language. Express genuine interest in how they’ve been. However, make sure your tone doesn’t sound romantic or flirty!
9. Consider If It’ll Harm Your Peace
People often assume communicating more with an ex makes the hurt, bewilderment, or anger disappear. This is because it’s supposed to give you ‘closure.’
But many people start feeling delusional. They expect their exes to return to their life.
Do you also daydream about “what if they want me back”?
Think hard before you respond.
If this is your case, heal yourself before you seek closure. If you need closure, ask someone else to respond on your behalf. This will prevent you from obsessing over them.
10. Respond Not React
Of course, you’re angry, and you want to attack them with abusive language. You just want to make them feel as bad.
But remember, they’re checking in on you. They don’t intend to hurt you. So, control your anger, and don’t try to hurt back!
11. Be Honest And Clear
Their words may trigger a mix of emotions, including panic, elation, disgust, or hope.
If you can’t fight your impulses, you can be straightforward yet respectful.
Let them know about your rawest emotions but with respectful language. In this case, remember that they may not react favorably.
12. Ask Them For A No Contact Instead
If you feel disturbed by their text, then be straightforward. You need time to heal. You’re not in the right headspace to answer. So, set a no-contact boundary instead of answering anything!
13. Acknowledge Without Revealing Too Much
Responding to your ex’s inquiry about your well-being can be challenging. You want to be polite and friendly but not give them the satisfaction of knowing you’re still preoccupied with them.
You don’t want to give them the impression that you’re still thinking about them. But you must still be respectful.
14. Reply And Block If They’re Inconsiderate
If your partner is inconsiderate and won’t let you heal, and constantly texts you, it’s important to prioritize yourself.
In this case, reply curtly and block them instantly. Don’t let them make any more idle chat.
15. Take The Opportunity To Be Friends
If you guys don’t have any hard feelings for each other and both consider each other as good friends, this is a great chance!
Respond in a friendly manner and ask if they’d like to be friends again.
16. Think From A Third Person’s POV
Whether in grief or rage, rash reactions might result in unfortunate outcomes. Take a step back and avoid letting your immediate feelings dictate how you respond.
Draft the message and imagine how you’d feel if your best friend sent their ex this response. If you’re okay with that, send it!
17. Don’t Rush; Focus on Yourself
Take some time to consider what you really want out of the situation before answering your ex’s queries.
Write your answer down, then give it a few hours to come back to. This window of time often permits the intensity of your emotions to lessen, allowing you to prepare a more measured and helpful response.
18. Consider Their Personality Before Sending A Text
If your ex asks this over text on any app, then always reassess your ex’s personality before answering.
For instance, if they’re the obsessive type and you initiated the breakup, don’t be too kind. Otherwise, they may chase you again and use the text against you as proof of leading them on.
If they think they’re narcissistic, don’t show any signs of attachment or weakness. Or, they’ll brag about your text. They might even show off your text to others.
If you both mutually decided never to cross each other’s path, it might be something serious. So, you can be more kind to them.
If they’re trying to hit on you (probably because nobody wants them), send them a picture of you with a ring. It doesn’t matter if you didn’t find a special person. At least, it’ll keep a leech away!
19. Talk To A Friend Or Confidante
Before responding to your ex, have a conversation with a reliable friend. A close friend who is acquainted with the details of your previous relationship and who knows you well may guide you.
They can tell you how to react, point out potential traps, and offer emotional support as you work through the issues.
20. Get Rid Of All The What If’s
Is it possible that your ex is deeply missing you and realizes how terrible it was for them to let you go? Perhaps.
Might they merely be displaying a passing interest in your general welfare? Maybe as well.
So, in your response, you could also add a question about their intentions from the text. Put an end to your expectations early on!
Need some advice on what kind of responses work the best? Let’s get started…
5 Examples Of What You Respond To Your Ex Asking How You Are
If you want a few examples of a range of suitable responses, explore these templates. These are the basics to navigate these potentially tricky situations with tact and consideration.
1. “I am doing great. Hope you are doing well.”
Sometimes, you may not have warm feelings for your ex, but when they reach out, it’s important to maintain courtesy.
This brief response conveys politeness without excessive enthusiasm, making it clear that you’re not eager to engage in a conversation.
2. “I couldn’t have been happier. How’s life for you?”
In cases where the past relationship was filled with toxicity, and you’ve managed to move on and find happiness, this response is fitting.
It shows contentment and self-assuredness, implying that their exit from your life was a favor.
3. “I am still trying to move on. Please leave me alone.”
Perhaps you’re still dealing with the pain from a breakup. The last thing you want is to rekindle contact with your ex.
In this case, it’s crucial to be firm and straightforward. This shows you need space to process your emotions and regain your strength.
4. “Surprise! See the ring on my finger”
When a former romantic partner reappears in your life, you may naturally question their motives. You may keep things lighter in your response.
This reply subtly suggests that you’ve moved on and are not interested in exploring romantic prospects.
5. “I was not expecting this. Are you alright?”
Their outreach might be an indication of emotional anguish or weakness if you both had decided never to talk again.
This answer shows empathy in this situation and gives them a chance to clarify if something is wrong.
A word from ThePleasantRelationship
In conclusion, answering an ex’s question about how you’re doing might be challenging. But it can be handled constructively and healthily if you give it some thought.
Never forget to put your safety and well-being first, establish appropriate boundaries, and refrain from engaging in manipulation or emotional games.
Trust your gut and yourself. If necessary, get professional assistance or support from dependable friends and family.
