After a long battle of making your spouse optimistic, you want to know how to deal with a negative spouse?
Well, in a marriage, spouses must be on the same page about a lot of things, and views are one of them.
When you are an optimist, your partner’s pessimism can be truly challenging to deal with. But your struggle is finally over. So, keep reading to see how…
How To Deal With A Negative Spouse? – 25 Ways
Probably, your spouse is a pretty caring person. But they keep seeing the glass as half empty. And this gets under your skin because it drags your morals and enthusiasm down.
You want to change the situation and improve your marriage but don’t know how.
If that rings a bell, let’s dive right in for all the help you need!
1. Have an honest conversation about your feelings
If your spouse brings lots of negativity to your life, sit them down and tell them about it.
You try to stay positive as you go through life, but if they make that difficult, have a good conversation about this.
Remind them that they should support you instead of bringing you down.
2. Try to understand why they are being negative
There can be a reason behind your spouse’s negativity. Try to find out if they have experienced abuse at home or school.
Understand why they are being like this to become more compassionate. Perhaps it is not their fault.
3. Do not try to fix them
It is not your duty to fix your spouse. They are not a project but a person with complex thought processes. So accept that you cannot fix them.
If your spouse thinks you are trying to change them to fit your standards, they will feel betrayed. They’ll think they’re not good enough and confirm their negative thoughts about the world.
4. Remember that the negativity is not your fault
You cannot take the negativity personally because it will affect your own mental health. The world is a difficult place to survive in, and everyone is exposed to a lot of bad things.
But some people just take it too hard. This is not your fault.
5. Stay positive
When you live with someone constantly pointing out the worms on the ground, you must keep trying to look up at the sky.
So, do not let your positive outlook change, as it will help both of you in the long run. If your spouse cannot see anything good about life, try to help them. But do not let their point of view bring you down.
6. Make a routine for doing happy things
Sprinkle good excitement in your life to make your spouse know that things can be great, too.
Do this by making a routine where you plan out fun dates to take them out. Go to an amusement park, play with cute puppies, or go to a dance bar. Keep something good for every week to lift your mood.
7. Create some boundaries
Even if the negativity is not your spouse’s fault, it is difficult to be exposed to it constantly.
So make some boundaries for yourself. Tell them that some topics are off limits, and they should avoid talking to you about those things as you feel triggered by them.
These boundaries will help both of you to treat each other better and lessen the stress you are under.
8. Seek professional help
When things get out of hand, leave it to the professionals. Go to a counselor with your spouse.
Your mental health professional can tell you if your partner has some mood disorder that makes them so negative.
They might even prescribe some medication to help them escape this funk.
9. Educate yourself on their mental illness
If you have visited a psychiatrist, you must have gotten a name for the problem your spouse has; now read up on it.
Use the internet effectively to understand the mental illness your partner has to make a plan for how to deal with it in day-to-day life.
Mental health gets much better if they are managed properly by loved ones. So know how to make them better.
10. Do not take the blame for things you haven’t done
Does your spouse direct the negativity at you and blame you for some things?
This can be as little as blaming you for not taking an umbrella on a clear day. Or saying, ‘I told you so’ if you fail at something you tried for your career.
Do not take the blame for these things.
11. Be sympathetic
Be sympathetic to them, as this negativity affects them the most. Being so disillusioned about life is tiring that they only see the bad things.
So be understanding and deal with this issue with love. After all, this is your partner whom you chose to spend your life with.
12. Take some time away from them
If their toxic outlook on life makes you feel negative, leave it for a while.
Take a solo vacation to some beautiful place or spend time with your family. Because to deal with their negativity, you need to recharge yourself.
13. Ask for advice from their family
Their family is the best place to seek advice because they know your spouse best.
If this negativity is a childhood problem, their parents can tell you ways to deal with this mindset.
14. Let them talk it out but with a set time limit
Sometimes, let them talk freely about the things they think are bad, but with a time limit.
Say they feel frustrated with the economic downturn or with some person in their life. Tell them you will listen but for 30 minutes.
After this time, you both do something positive, like have an ice cream or go for a walk.
15. Accept a marginal level of negativity as their quirk
There is no chance that a person who is a dark cloud will suddenly become all rainbows and sunshine. So, accept that this bad lens through which they see life is not going away.
Try to talk to them about the big things that affect you badly.
16. Show them the positives of life
If they can’t see the beauty of life, you should point it out to them. Show them how good life can be for people, as every situation has a silver lining.
If something bad has happened to them, point out the good things they still have, like a supportive spouse.
17. Do not judge your partner
The first step to keeping peace in your marriage is not judging your spouse.
If they are being ridiculously negative, calmly point it out without accusing them of spoiling your mood.
When you judge your partner, they will stop sharing things with you and become defensive. You might even confirm their fears and negativity by being judgemental.
18. Write down the good things about your marriage
Write down what you love about your partner so that you don’t forget why you married them.
Their constant negativity will make you tired and wish you could be with someone else. So, you have to remember their positive side to save the marriage.
19. Splurge on self-care
Take care of yourself very well so you stay energized and become as positive as your spouse.
Self-care can be anything like eating good food, watching a movie, hanging with friends, etc. Take time each day to do something that makes you feel great.
20. Include them in a small self-care routine
Your spouse desperately needs some happiness in their life. So, drag them to have some good things in their daily routine.
This can be a shared skincare routine that you do, going to the gym together, and so on. These things will give you time to connect with each other and experience neutral things, which will calm them down.
21. Do not expect them to have the same reaction to things
Never expect them to react to things the same way as you do because both of you think differently.
When you see an old man celebrating their 99th birthday, you might think it is so cute and inspirational. But they might just notice the awaiting death.
So, do not expect them to call the same things good or get very excited about things.
If the most they say about good things is, “It was okay,” then accept that it is their best compliment.
22. Give them thoughtful gifts
Who isn’t happy to get gifts from their loved ones?
So, give them little things sometimes to lift their mood. If they are touchy about spending money, make them handcrafted things. This will show your appreciation and love.
23. Counter their negative thoughts logically
Negative thoughts often lead people down the road of irrational fears. They might be scared of things that will probably never happen, so talk it out with them logically.
You will be able to lessen their fears and help them be less negative about that thing.
24. Let them spend time with their close friends
Do not hold them back when they want to spend time with friends. Remember, these are like-minded people who will help them process the negativity.
Talking to a good friend is often more freeing than talking to a spouse. This is because there is no fear of judgment, so let them have this time for themself.
25. Go on a ‘no-negativity’ trip each year
Talk to your partner and plan a vacation every year that is negativity-free. They must promise to be positive when you both are on this trip.
It can be a tiny two-day drive to someplace nearby or a week-long vacation at a fancy destination, but make sure you take some time every year for a no-negativity trip.
A word from ThePleasantRelationship
No doubt it’s hard to deal with your spouse’s extreme negativity. But you need to be more understanding and adjust to it accordingly.
Follow the above steps and stay patient. Remember, changing their views for the better will take a lot of time. Have faith, and things will improve.
But, if your spouse does not want to change on purpose, think about whether you can stay with this person or not.
Surabhi wakes up every day with a drive to craft words that can create a soulful impact. Creatively adventurous, she is always seeking to learn new skills and acquire new experiences. With a hidden soft corner for languages (especially Urdu), she writes poetry occasionally, binges on romantic shows, and LOVES to talk. A hustler, admirer, chaser, Surabhi is just another-someone who refused to give up on her dreams. She says, she is just somebody who’s trying to make herself a writer and for now, she’s just writing...