So, you want to know how to be friends with your ex. Even though it’s complicated, you believe being friends with her is important.
Perhaps you just like her as a person and friend. Or because you guys are co-parenting.
Whatever situation you guys might be in, this isn’t impossible. However, you must remember to be extremely careful of how you play your cards.
If you’re ready to be cautious, head right in!
How To Be Friends With Your Ex? – 20 Ways
Everyone says that it’s not easy to be friends with your ex and that the feelings always resurface. But that’s not always the case. In fact, quite a few people have successfully become friends… some exes even become besties with their ex’s new partner.
So, if you’re dead set on making this happen, embrace these significant ways…
1. Spend enough time apart
Before you try to become friends with your ex, ask yourself if you’ve spent enough time apart.
Lingering feelings will make your budding friendship complicated beyond repair. So make sure you are ready.
Imagine having a completely platonic relationship with your ex where you cannot casually touch them. You have to see them dating and falling in love with others.
If this image does not disturb you, go ahead.
2. Let them know you want to be friends
Suppose your ex shows up in your life like nothing happened. Sounds quite unsettling, right?
So, do not become buddy-buddy with no warning. Instead, text them something like:
“I think we can be friends. If you feel comfortable, I’d like to try it.”
3. Set boundaries and respect these
Both of you need to know what not to do and what is okay in your new friendship. So, you guys must settle some boundaries.
Make sure your boundaries are realistic and mutually decided upon. Respect each other’s boundaries, and you can build a beautiful friendship with your ex.
4. Accept their new relationship with grace
Friends talk to each other about their dating lives. So be prepared to see them date someone new. Accept that they’ll move on and try to find someone else to love.
If you feel uncomfortable, you can ask them to not bring their new partner around you for a while.
But accept that you are no longer special. If this is hard, it’s better to avoid being friends.
5. Work through your past resentments
Talk it out if either of you still resent the other for something. Move forward with the friendship only after resolving and forgiving all bygones. Otherwise, things will take a dramatic turn.
6. Do not text and call them daily
You might text your best friend a lot. But your ex is not your best friend yet, so keep the texting and calling to a minimum.
For a casual friendship with your ex, treat them like a completely new friend. Consider them an ‘acquaintance’ instead of a ‘friend’ to adjust your behavior.
7. Don’t share stories about your sex life
This is an absolute no-no. Your sex life is private; only your closest friend can know some details.
You’ll just complicate things unnecessarily if you share stories of ‘sexcapades’ with your ex. It might even light up the old flame and lead to an on-off relationship.
8. Meet each other in public
Plan the first few meetings in a decently crowded public place with kids around. It can be a coffee shop or a park instead of anyone’s house.
The presence of other people will help keep things casual and civil. Otherwise, you may both let your old resentment out or start making out.
9. Redefine who you are to them
Have some intense conversations to define the changed status of each other in your lives.
Talk it out and consciously reaffirm that you are just friends and your relationship is over. Then, your mind will begin to accept it. You will be less tempted to fall back into old habits.
10. Communicate with them clearly but mindfully
Communication with an ex is tricky because complete honesty will be disastrous. Your totally honest feelings may send mixed signals. So be mindful when talking to them.
Be honest about how you feel and how much you can handle. But convey this carefully so they don’t think you want to reconcile.
11. Do not flirt or try to have break-up sex
You never know your ex might still have lingering feelings for you. So, breakup sex and flirting will get their hopes up.
It will make you confused as well. You might re-enter the relationship you left for a reason.
12. Be a supportive friend
No ex wants to be friends with a toxic ex. Perhaps your ex is such a great human that you want to keep them in your life.
So, to maintain a drama-free, healthy friendship, extend the support you expect from them. Treat them as you do with your other friends in their highs and lows.
13. Do not revisit your dates
Yikes! Nothing’s more awkward than sitting with your ex-turned-friend somewhere you made out back in the day.
So, avoid all the spots you regularly went to as a couple. Don’t reminisce about the good times. Otherwise, you might slip into old habits.
Visit new places and indulge in new activities as friends and start afresh.
14. Don’t post about them on social media
It’s fine to post about your friends on social media. But this is not just any friend. You might have posted many lovey-dovey pictures with them. So posting pictures with them in it will draw attention.
Your friendship is young and fragile. So try to avoid comments from people that confuse you about what you want.
15. Don’t stalk their social media
Avoid stalking them on social media and commenting on their posts. Just like the last one, this will help avoid attention and prevent misunderstandings.
If you keep an eye on their feed, it will make you feel uncomfortable. You might want to get back together just to have the good moments back.
16. Check to see how they feel
You and your ex have to be on the same page about your new friendship. So check in on how they are feeling from time to time.
They might not tell you if they feel uncomfortable or catch feelings for you to avoid complexities.
Once you both get used to friendship, ask whether they feel okay and want to continue hanging out.
17. Hang out with your mutual friends first
While moving from a romantic relationship to something platonic, start small. Hang out with a gathering of your mutual friends.
This way, you will be able to limit interaction with your ex. Your friends can also read the room and step in as buffers if things get a little too charged. It will set the tone for your new dynamic with your ex.
18. Accept that this is not the same relationship
What do you want from the new friendship with your ex?
The answer will depend on what kind of relationship you had before.
For instance, are your ex-spouses trying to be friends with your children? Or did you have a one-night stand and want to preserve your old friendship?
Get a clear idea to guide your own actions.
Understand what you want and accept that this bond is completely fresh. There’s no place for mistakes or confusion here!
19. Do not rush to become best friends
Take things naturally and give yourself time to find your footing as friends.
The first few months will be painfully awkward. You may not always know what to say, but that’s okay.
Don’t try to fit in as friends forcibly. Otherwise, you’ll bring things up from the past and mess up.
20. Consider visiting a counselor
Seek professional help to navigate a friendship with your ex without any mistakes.
Counselors will hear your situation out and give you personalized advice to the maximum level.
Consider therapy, especially if you’re an ex-married couple and this friendship is necessary for your family.
A word from ThePleasantRelationship
The above rules are mandatory when you are trying to become friends with an ex-lover. Those will help you avoid falling back into old patterns.
However, remember that your ex may not want to be friends with you. Even if they agree, they may withdraw at any moment, and you must respect that.
Communicate and try to understand each other. And above all, even if you feel weak, don’t get into a relationship all over!
Are you interested to know more about ‘Reasons Why Your Ex Doesn’t Want to Be Friends’ then click here?
Surabhi wakes up every day with a drive to craft words that can create a soulful impact. Creatively adventurous, she is always seeking to learn new skills and acquire new experiences. With a hidden soft corner for languages (especially Urdu), she writes poetry occasionally, binges on romantic shows, and LOVES to talk. A hustler, admirer, chaser, Surabhi is just another-someone who refused to give up on her dreams. She says, she is just somebody who’s trying to make herself a writer and for now, she’s just writing...