If “how to stop obsessing over someone” is still a question that has been troubling you, then you cannot find a better answer!
This article is all about recognizing signs that you’re obsessing over someone, finding the root cause, and dealing with the obsession.
Obsession is triggered when you totally pour yourself into someone and expect the same from them.
You feel like you have a right on their time, their relationships, and their life in general. Your mind is occupied with your thoughts 24 x 7.
That’s called obsession.
But with obsession comes compulsiveness. You start compelling the person to spend more time with you, to love you back, to fulfill your expectations, and so on.
Now that’s obviously gonna annoy them if they don’t feel the same for you.
Don’t worry, you won’t deal with it alone. I’m here to help you with this. All you have to do is stay with me till the very end! We’ll fix this together… So, let’s start.
30 Ways to Stop Obsessing Over Someone
It’s simply no use obsessing over someone. Either a person loves you, or they don’t. You don’t want to annoy your beloved with your obsessive actions. What if they get sick of you, and get interested somewhere else? Maybe in their ex…
It’s a wise decision you’ve made here, of putting a stop to your obsessing behavior. But the question is… Is it possible? Can we switch to being non-obsessive? Well, nothing works overnight.
Of course, you will stop being obsessed over someone once you go through these super easy 30 steps. But that will require some decent amount of determination and consistency. That’s it!
So, let’s quickly begin with the steps.
1. Begin with Self-introspection
Do you deserve a partner who doesn’t love you as much as you love them? I don’t think so. Don’t you want someone who feels the same way about you. Of course, you do!
You don’t deserve this one-sided love story. You don’t have to feel low and inferior all the time. It’s time to rise up. In the process of chasing your love interest who is running away from you, you may lose yourself.
Who knows if there is someone waiting to shower all their love onto you forever? You are truly special, and you deserve your own happy fairy-tale!
2. Understand: Obsessing Is Abnormal
First and the foremost thing to do here is to accept that you are truly obsessed with someone, and that’s abnormal. Acceptance will save you from future troubles.
You have to acknowledge this as early as possible. Remember how it’s said when you recognize a disease at its initial stage. That way, the treatment can be decided upon and also be cured.
Plus, you have ample time in hand for the treatment. I’m not asking you to start panicking about it. Just know that having an obsessive personality is a disorder, and you need to cure it.
3. But also understand it Is natural…
Now, obsessing is abnormal. But it’s not unnatural. It happens. We all get obsessed with someone or something in our life. You’re not the first person to be obsessed, neither are you going to be the last!
It is very natural if you think you fall under this category. There’s nothing to be ashamed of, or feeling guilty about. Don’t start this treatment journey on a negative note.
As I said, we’ll fix this, okay? It’s gonna be 100% fine. So, start your journey with a positive affirmation and mindset.
4. Do not let obsessiveness take a revengeful route
A very important part of fighting obsessiveness is to save yourself from revengeful thoughts.
If you are getting revengeful thoughts about your object of love, know that your obsessiveness has taken a dangerous turn.
You need to take control of your actions as fast as possible. Because once you fall into this ditch, it will be very difficult to come out of it.
When you become obsessed with a person, their rejection can easily turn your feelings of love into feelings of anger or revenge.
You might think of harmful ways to take revenge from the person. You cannot get a surer proof that this was not love but only obsession.
Don’t hate the person just because they rejected you. These negative thoughts will not let you overcome this obsessive behavior.
5. Identify the Root Cause
Find out the core of this issue. Like why can’t you get over this person? Why is this person making you someone who you’re not in reality?
Do you think the dreams and fantasies made you like this, or is it just an urge to love someone and get love in return?
Answering these questions will guide you to the root cause of the issue.
You are in a situation where you feel attached to someone very easily. You have to find out the cause of why you are going out of your way to be with someone, who doesn’t want you back. Are you so desperate?
Come on, seek answers to these questions!
6. Keep a track of your trigger points
It’s good to notice and keep track of your trigger points.
For example, observe the situation which makes you feel obsessed. Also see how you feel at that time, whether you are angry, frustrated, annoyed, sad or secluded.
Whenever you get triggered by these feelings, try to divert your mind. Give your best to pull yourself out of the situation.
Gradually, you’ll develop skills to keep yourself at ease, even if such triggers try to continue to bother you.
7. Fight the Temptation
Close the doors that lead you to the world of temptation. Like if you think this person is the reason for your obsession, then delete that person from your thoughts.
Remember such temptation is nothing but a devil. You need to fight it! Stop feeding your obsessive nature.
I know it’s very tempting to walk to your office from the very route that they take, just so that they can notice you.
But if you don’t fight now, then you will be the one to suffer.
It’s difficult to get over a person all of a sudden. It takes time and lots and lots of consistent effort. But if you really want to do it, I’m sure you will be able to!
8. Love them, don’t live on them
The thought of losing someone is one of the most common root causes of obsession.
You are madly in love with this person. Fortunately, they reciprocate the same feelings. It starts to affect you mentally, and you are afraid of losing them.
Often this condition leads to possessive behavior, where you end up losing your beloved forever.
After losing them, you feel lost. You don’t know where to go, or what to do. You want that person back because you were obsessed with them. It’s like: your life depends on them.
This is terrible, my friend. You have to be your own support system, buddy.
It’s a cycle of getting obsessed with someone else that makes you weak, dependent and hopeless. Don’t worry, you’re not alone. The very next step is going to fix this!
9. Look for a Permanent Source of Happiness
Now, there are a couple of things that I want to tell you. You will never find happiness if you search for it outside. External sources of happiness are temporary. Permanent Happiness comes from within.
You can be the only internal and permanent source of your happiness. Instead of looking for someone else who loves you truly, or keeps you company throughout the thread of life, you should start living on your own…
Enjoy your own company, love yourself, and be self-dependent. God has created us as complete individuals. You don’t need anyone else to complete you.
10. Stay away from the digital bin!
Try to lead your own life. A disciplined life saves you from going off track. For instance, if you think you are too much on the phone, stop it right away.
Staying on the phone longer than required, or talking too much to your love interest is not going to turn things in your favor. Rather, it’s going to spoil you and trap you in the obsessive cycle.
I know it’s easiest to communicate with your beloved when you have so many forms of communication available. But that does not mean you are going to waste all your time in the digital bin.
If you keep talking to them, what magic do you think can take away your obsessiveness? If you want to stop obsessing over someone, stop communicating with them unnecessarily.
11. Speak to your friends and family
Surround yourself with people who love you unconditionally, like your family and friends. Only your loved ones can help you heal over your obsession. Talk about how you feel.
This acts as a good distraction for your mind that constantly used to think about them. They weren’t the last people on Earth. You have genuine people around you, who love you for who you are. Isn’t that more than enough?
Lighten the burden off your heart, in front of them. We often lose our sense to differentiate between what is right and what is wrong.
These people will help you walk through the darkness. They will hold the light of guidance. That’s the reason we call them well-wishers. Right?
12. Own a Diary
You can also pour your heart out in a diary. That way you wouldn’t need any person to lend you shoulders. You will be able to understand yourself through the pages you fill.
Again, a very good way of distracting you from the obsessive thoughts and feelings. The best way to vent out, without the fear of being judged by anyone.
So, it’s just about getting the burden off your heart, the medium can be a person or paper, choice is yours.
13. Look into the future
Imagine you are in the future, and when you retrospect this past self of yours, it is surely embarrassing.
You would think, “Was I this crazy that I wasted so much time of my life running behind and obsessing over a person. Was it really worth it?”
It will also make you feel good about how far you’ve come. You have worked on yourself and made yourself much stronger.
The past will surely make you feel embarrassed but it will also make you laugh out loud.
14. Take this as a Challenge Now…
Take it as a challenge buddy! Challenge yourself… say this loudly: I am not obsessed with anything or anyone in this world.
At every stage of challenge, reward yourself when you pass. For example, challenge yourself that you will not call or stalk that particular person you’re obsessed with for a month.
Now, watch how you perform in the given challenge.
Be your own biggest motivator. Don’t let anyone else take over your peace. Work on yourself and see how better you become with each passing day.
15. They can’t be your only priority
You feel that you cannot separate yourself from this “someone”. This person is consuming you from within 24 x 7. Even while you are reading this article, you are still thinking of that person.
The problem isn’t that you think about them, it’s common when you are in love. The problem starts when you make this person your only priority. It just makes your existence pointless.
Your beloved can be one of your top priorities, but they can’t be your only priority. Understand the difference here.
16. Don’t stalk them
No matter how much I tell you to use social media smartly, I know you are not going to do so.
After reading this article, please make a vow that if you are using your internet, you will use it only to watch movies and indulge in good sources of entertainment.
Don’t use Instagram, WhatsApp, Facebook and other communicative applications, where you have any scope of stalking the object of your obsession.
Don’t stalk them, and for god’s sake, don’t upload tragic heartbroken stories. This nonsense is not going to take you anywhere.
Remember our goal is to come out of the obsessive zone, and not get trapped into it forever. To gain something, you have to learn control. Limit the screen time and use it only when necessary.
17. Practice Control over your thoughts
Thinking is an ability that helps you distinguish between right and wrong. You can easily monitor your thoughts and perception if you want to do so.
Take charge of what thoughts should enter your mind, what thoughts should remain in your brain, and what thoughts must be stopped right at the entrance.
Human brain has the ability to process their thoughts and feelings. Sometimes your mind processes a particular thought excessively. That’s called overthinking.
Do you know you can actually stop yourself from overthinking? Just sit down, relax and give yourself some time. Practice mindfulness.
18. Create some distance
Giving personal space to your partner as well as yourself solves most of the problems in a relationship. It is very important to respect someone’s personal space.
Create a wall between you two, never allow yourself to even look at what’s behind the wall and don’t dare try to break down the wall.
If they seem to be agitated with your presence, then have some self-respect buddy. Don’t take a path that leads to them.
If you are supposed to be at the same place, ignore them completely. Do not initiate conversation , give them a chance to do so. It will take time but eventually you will get hold of yourself.
19. Focus on the entire relationship
Get a fuller view of the relationship. Where is this heading? How far are both of your expectations being fulfilled?
If you know that they don’t want to share a romantic relationship with you, then keep repeating the fact to yourself, until and unless your brain is able to process and accept it.
On the other hand, if they want to be with you, then focus on making this a healthy relationship instead of an obsessed one.
Instead of focusing only on your expectations, focus on taking healthier steps to make this entire relationship a beautiful journey.
20. Stop idealizing him/her
Is this person really perfect? Have you ever tried to take note of their imperfections or flaws? If not, then do it right now.
If you truly love them then you will accept them for who they are. Ignoring the imperfections shows that you are only obsessed with their qualities.
Maybe you imagined them to be someone who they are actually not. They are not as special and flawless as you consider them to be. So why do you need to put them in such an elevated position?
That makes you go blind with obsession. They just tend to bluff and you obviously fall for it.
Are they really worth the obsession? In a relationship, both the partners have to invest equal efforts. And if they share an equal position with you, then there is no need of being scared of losing them. If it’s your loss, then it is their loss too.
21. Create a super-tight schedule
Come on, it’s time to utilize your time. Do you think you are productive enough? If not, then this is the time to make things work.
When you want to stop obsessing over someone, there’s nothing like making a new routine for yourself.
Look around if you are neglecting some important responsibilities. Focus at work.
After all, you always want to hear the motivating compliments of your boss… plus who knows if you can manage to get a promotion by the end of this month?
22. Meet new people
When you are planning to distract yourself from the object of obsession, then you are definitely going to feel lonely.
You will crave for that person. But you can tackle all this smartly. Go out, meet new people, make new relationships and spend time with new friends.
You will see that all of a sudden life has become so exciting and thrilling. But that does not mean you become obsessed with these new friends. Don’t repeat the same mistake.
Life offers endless opportunities to you. It depends on you whether you’re good at making them work for you or not.
23. Addiction is a big No
Trust me, this time is going to be very difficult as well. You are going to feel tempted towards drugs, alcohol, and every nasty thing that addicts a person.
Junk food cravings would give you a hard time. But try and understand that this is a trap to a dangerous cycle, worse than death.
The moment you stop the intake of these toxins, you are going to crave for the person even more.
Moreover, you can drunk-dial, stalk them on social media, and do all kinds of nonsense that you are trying so hard not to do!
24. Understand their point of view
When you love someone truly it is natural for you to go off limits and beyond your comfort zone, to show love.
But it totally depends on how the other person feels. Whether they appreciate your efforts or not, if they find you creepy or romantic.
It is here that you need to understand their feelings. Do they really appreciate your obsessiveness or are they afraid of your behavior?
Are you looking too desperate or needy in their eyes? I don’t think that makes you a better lover.
When you are already putting in so much effort in the relationship, why not invest in the right way, know their perspective and take your steps accordingly.
Once they understand your love, they won’t feel awkward with your behavior.
25. Focus on personal growth
You cannot even imagine the number of people who are dealing with such obsessive feelings.
Should that stop you from living your life? You have a life of your own. Why not take this time and improve the quality of your living!
Eat right, complete your sleep cycle, meditate, and exercise. Get into a proper routine, so that you are fit physically as well as mentally.
You start feeling better as an individual, and it will help you become self-sufficient. And you will eventually become a better person, who is loved by all.
That is gonna be the happiest dawn of realization, my friend!
26. Don’t let them judge you
Hey pal, you very well know that people are going to judge you. No matter what you do, people will always have something to say.
When you love someone deeply or when you are obsessed with them, you get affected by their words. Their thoughts trigger you; their opinions make a change in your life.
But not everybody should affect you with their opinion. Some people intentionally try to hurt you, that shouldn’t change your way of living.
Don’t end up being a victim of these judgments. I know these judgments are super sensitive, but if you react to them, you are going to be a bigger fool. It’s best if you can listen to them and forget!
27. Practice self-affirmation!
The mantras of self-affirmation work wonders!
They make a strong emotional base to shape your behavior. Feeding your brain with positive affirmations automatically directs your actions positively.
Make sure you tell yourself: I am perfect! I am happy. I am self-sufficient. I don’t need an external source of happiness. I don’t depend on others for my pleasure.
I know you don’t believe me but just try it out for yourself. Chant these sentences to yourself before going to bed, and every morning you’ll witness a big difference over time.
28. What’s your hobby?
Has the situation made you so sad that you don’t even enjoy your hobby anymore? When was the last time that you spent more than half an hour with your hobby?
Make sure you’re spending as much time with your hobby as possible.
In fact, indulging in your hobby is the best way to distract yourself from these useless affairs. You get to spend time with yourself. Most importantly this gives you happiness, and that’s all you need to get over the sorrow!
29. Go on a trip!
This is one of the best ways to heal yourself when you are going through such a difficult period in your life.
When you are on your way to detach yourself from someone you are so obsessed with, there’s nothing like a vacation! Trust me, you’ll feel good.
When you are on a vacation you meet new people and take charge of yourself. It develops a sense of independence within you.
You learn to live by yourself and find a different type of happiness by visiting new places. This makes it all the more easier for you to fight obsessiveness.
30. Talk to a professional
As a human, you deal with different aspects of your life. Whenever one of the aspects gets complicated to tackle, you can always seek professional help.
You just need a moment of courage to step out and face your problems.
A health professional will listen to your problems, understand your opinion without judgment, and help you overcome them.
That way you can lead a healthy life with friends and family. You can divert your focus into working upon yourself. You no longer will need some outer source to provide you with peace and happiness.
A word from ThePleasantRelationship
As said earlier, nothing works overnight. Some days, you’ll find yourself too good with the process. Somedays, you’ll drop.
Everything you’ve been doing would seem like a futile effort. Probably, you may end up drunk-dialing them. But don’t let these setbacks discourage you.
Never give up. That’s the worst thing you’ll ever do to yourself. Keep moving, these things are sensitive to deal with, but you’ll eventually rise above the situation.
And always remember: where there’s a will, there is a way!
Surabhi wakes up every day with a drive to craft words that can create a soulful impact. Creatively adventurous, she is always seeking to learn new skills and acquire new experiences. With a hidden soft corner for languages (especially Urdu), she writes poetry occasionally, binges on romantic shows, and LOVES to talk. A hustler, admirer, chaser, Surabhi is just another-someone who refused to give up on her dreams. She says, she is just somebody who’s trying to make herself a writer and for now, she’s just writing...