If you are looking for how to deal with someone who blames you for everything, you’re probably tired of hearing “Why can you never do things right?”
Whether this person is a loved one, a boss, or a teacher, it stings so much that you doubt yourself. But it’s high time you end this frustrating charade and find your peace of mind.
So, keep reading to find your solution!
How To Deal With Someone Who Blames You For Everything? – 30 Ways
When you constantly hear complaints, it’s normal to want to quit and get done with things. After all, nobody likes to be treated like a punching bag. However, there can be better ways to navigate through things, so let’s fix the issues here!
1. Keep a cool head
It can be tempting to lose your temper when you are dealing with someone who constantly blames you.
But when you lose your temper around them, you let them find more things to blame. So, the next time they attempt to do that, keep a cool head.
2. Practice soothing yourself
It is natural to be hurt and enraged when dealing with this person. So, remember to calm yourself down every time you do that.
Try taking deep breaths or chewing on candy. Do what calms you down when you are stressed.
3. Think about happy thoughts
When this person gets on your nerves, think about positive things. It can at least be a cushion for your suffering.
Make a list of things you are grateful for and keep it in your pocket. So, every time that person starts blaming you, remember that you have things in your life to look forward to.
4. Remind yourself that your life is bigger than them
While dealing with the blamer, you may feel insignificant and useless. You might believe that you will never be good enough. Especially if this is a boss or parent.
Chant to yourself that the words won’t matter after ten years. Eventually, their claims will mean nothing to you in the long run!
5. Think of it as training
Remember, what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger. So, even though this is hard to do, the next time you face them, take it as training.
See it as being a test of your patience and self-love. Challenge yourself to be kind to yourself as much as they hurt you.
6. Try not to take it personally
The worst thing you can do when facing an irrational blamer is to take it personally. It does not matter if they are your lover, boss, or a friend, their words don’t define who you are. Remember that you’re much better than what they claim!
7. Ask yourself whether they are really blaming you
Even if they blame you for a lot of things, this might not happen as often as you think. Of course, you don’t gaslight yourself into thinking that it is all in your head.
Instead, note your negative and positive interactions with them.
If you have more positive exchanges than negatives, it’s your insecurities talking. You need to think clearly and not assume that they’re always blaming you.
8. Ask yourself whether you are being too sensitive
Notice if you’re overly sensitive or get offended easily. If yes, try to get to the root of the problem. This will give you a better idea of the reality. You will be able to deal with situations better once you understand yourself!
9. Consider that you might have done something wrong
Before you retaliate or reply to the blamer, take a good and hard look at your own behavior. Ask yourself whether there is actually any truth behind their words. Be honest with yourself and take accountability for your misdeeds!
10. Think of the possibility that they might have a problem
Just like you should self-reflect, you should also analyze the person who blames you. To find a solution, figure out what the problem actually is.
Do you know them enough to understand what is on their mind? Are their expectations too high? Do they suffer from anger-management issues?
Answer these questions to get a better picture.
11. Reach out to trustworthy people
Blame can erode your sense of confidence in your own judgments. Therefore, you should always reach out to a friend or family member if this is a personal matter.
If it’s a matter at the office, take help from coworkers to sort out your thoughts and see things for what they are.
12. Seek a therapist
Being blamed so often can have grave consequences on your mental health. You might turn pessimistic, lose your self-confidence, or get gaslighted by the other person. So make sure you check in with a therapist regularly and get unbiased opinions.
If this is a personal relationship, a therapist can shed light on ways to deal with the situation better.
13. Stand up for yourself sometimes
If your go-to reaction is feeling guilty or accusing them for blaming you every time someone blames you, then it can become a problem.
So, stand up for yourself sometimes when you see it is not your fault. Try to remain as objective about the situation as you can.
14. Limit your interactions with the person
Sometimes, the best thing you can do when someone blames you for everything is to limit your interactions with them.
In today’s highly connected worlds, it can be difficult to block a person completely. But you can ignore them and answer only when you need to.
15. Maintain healthy boundaries at all costs
Whether it’s a professional relationship or a personal one, it is always important to maintain healthy boundaries.
You cannot stop them from finding faults. But you can always tell them what they can and cannot say to you. And if they don’t stop, let them know about how you’d not stand them.
16. Consider that they might be going through a tough time
Is the person in question going through a financial or health crisis? Is their love life falling apart?
No matter whom you are dealing with, you should keep in mind that everyone has their own problems.
Of course, that does not mean that they can blame you for their issues. But you can be more understanding and probably find a way to help them out and fix the situation.
17. Understand how much effort and time you’d invest in that relationship
Figure out how long you have known this person and how much effort and time you are willing to invest in this relationship.
Before you do something drastic, consider what your end goal is. If the connection is in its initial stage – a new date or a new job, it is better to get out.
But, if you are already invested – a long-term personal or professional relationship, openly communicate and make them realize how they are hurting you.
18. Have empathy for them
Paradoxically, the best way to deal with someone who blames you for everything is to have empathy for that person.
In reality, they can’t deal with their thoughts and feelings. So, blaming you is their only way of dealing with their situation.
Remember that most of the time, someone plays the victim when they feel like a victim.
19. Don’t react defensively
You act defensively to protect yourself from feelings of guilt and inadequacy. But this often does you more harm than good.
It stops you from seeing things as they are and stops you from finding a solution. So, stop behaving this way.
20. Accept when it is the right time to walk away
Sometimes, it is not possible to rationalize with someone who holds the deep-rooted belief that everything is your fault.
Then, the only way to make someone see the truth is to cut them off for good. In that way, they get to self-reflect and even make things right.
21. Try to make them understand that they need to work on themselves
Remember that just because someone blames you for everything, it doesn’t make them a bad person. More often than not, when someone does that, they do so as a way to cope.
So, make the accuser acknowledge their role in things and realize that they have to work for themselves. Only then can it be possible to navigate and fix your relationship with them.
22. Seek assistance from your direct supervisor
If the accuser is someone at work, it’s better not to take things in hand. Instead, approach your direct supervisor if it’s a coworker and an even higher authority if it’s your boss.
23. Don’t get drowned in blame games
Being blamed for everything can be demoralizing, and it knocks down your self-esteem. So, when someone does that, it is easy to get sucked into blame games.
Things can snowball into an argument without you even realizing what you are arguing about in the first place. This can leave you with no option but to apologize and fix things. So, avoid getting into this pitless spiral.
24. Stay silent when you think it is necessary
Sometimes, it’s best to stay silent in such situations. By choosing to remain silent, you won’t give them the reaction they want from you. You can save yourself from worse situations and prove that you’re the mature one.
25. Resist the urge to fight them back
When someone blames you for everything, it is easy to get angry, scream, or become passive-aggressive.
But none of these is the solution, and it can backfire your situation for the worse. So, calm your urge to bite back.
26. Share perspectives
When you get accused of everything wrong, know where they are coming from. Ask them why they think you are alone responsible.
They might expect much more from you than possible. Whatever your relationship with that person might be, you can never really know what they are thinking. So, talk things out.
27. Give them the space to vent
Sometimes, people blame others because they mistakenly take out their anger in the wrong place.
This person might also need to vent. So, give them that space, and don’t interrupt them before they are done speaking. Rather than waiting for your chance to reply, listen to what they have to say.
28. Identify what the pain points are and try to fix them
Another thing you can do is to identify what actually triggers them. Figure out their complaints and work on them.
If it’s your spouse, it might be because you didn’t do your chores or don’t like your parenting style.
29. Notice if there is a pattern
Observe a pattern in all this – What pisses them off? When do they calm down? Do they really mean all the threats that they make?
In order to figure out where things are going wrong, take a step back and observe the situation.
30. Analyze the emotions behind all the blame
Read between the lines and never take what they are saying at face value. Instead, analyze the emotions that are at play behind all the blame.
In order to really figure out how things got so bad, consider the possibility that they are trying to communicate a feeling.
A word from ThePleasantRelationship
Remember, even if someone blames you unintentionally, you have to make them realize how they are hurting you. Give them a chance to improve how they treat you.
If everything else fails, you can always choose to walk away (if possible). If not, numb your emotions to their words. Distance yourself from them and find your own peace with the help of a support group and professional help!
Are you interested to know more about ‘Signs Your Relationship Will Last Forever’ then click here?
Surabhi wakes up every day with a drive to craft words that can create a soulful impact. Creatively adventurous, she is always seeking to learn new skills and acquire new experiences. With a hidden soft corner for languages (especially Urdu), she writes poetry occasionally, binges on romantic shows, and LOVES to talk. A hustler, admirer, chaser, Surabhi is just another-someone who refused to give up on her dreams. She says, she is just somebody who’s trying to make herself a writer and for now, she’s just writing...