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How To Deal With A Selfish Boyfriend? – 15 FoolProof Ways!

How To Deal With A Selfish Boyfriend? – 15 FoolProof Ways!

Updated on Oct 04, 2023

Reviewed by Julianne Cantarella, MSW, LSW , Certified Relationship Coach

How To Deal With A Selfish Boyfriend - 15 FoolProof Ways!

You must be in so much pain if you are searching for “how to deal with a selfish boyfriend.” 

Even though you put so much effort into your relationship, you got nothing in return. You feel so mad that he can’t be a bit more considerate!

Well, understand that such toxicity can be fixed if he’s not doing it knowingly.

So, to make things right, let’s know how you can try a bit harder!

How To Deal With A Selfish Boyfriend? 15 Ways

In love, you expect your man to take care of your basic needs and be considerate toward you. He needs to act his part as a protector and provider.

But some men act selfishly as they learn to be dominating, demanding, and dependent from childhood. But that’s no excuse for a grown man to act this way!

So, if you want to change your relationship for the better, keep scrolling!

1. Accept that he is selfish

People like this are extremely good at gaslighting, so you might doubt whether he’s truly selfish. That’s why the first step is to accept that he is selfish!

If you think that you are asking too much, believe in yourself because you are not! It’s your man’s job to take care of your needs and wants. In fact, anyone would do the same for their loved ones. 

So, if he constantly asks you to do things by making you feel guilty or forces you to agree to prove your love, he is a selfish person.

2. Try to focus on your own needs

Since he’s selfish, you need to be more responsible for your own needs, as he will not be understanding.

Organize your life so that you can thrive and pay less attention to his needs. Even if he is screaming at you to prioritize him, you mustn’t!

You can either take a solo vacation or sleep in on a weekend. Don’t make him breakfast, and make him realize that he cannot take you for granted.

3. Have an honest conversation about the issue

An honest conversation will help you communicate your needs to him and check if he is responsive.

If his selfishness is not on purpose, he will listen to you carefully and embrace the changes. 

But, if he does not respond, rethink your relationship because he is selfish on purpose. And this isn’t going to change anytime soon!

4. Try to figure out why he is being selfish

Sometimes, a man might become selfish due to childhood issues. Perhaps, his childhood experiences taught him to fight for his own needs because no one else ever looked out for him.

If that’s the case, help him solve this problem. Give him a healthy space for communication and let him know when he is being selfish. 

If he truly loves you and wants to change, you both can work together on dealing with his issues.

5. Make boundaries for yourself

Put up some boundaries and decide what you will and will not tolerate from now on. 

Perhaps, he chooses the restaurant every time and doesn’t let you choose. Or, he asks you to hang out with his friends but never meets yours. Or he never considers your satisfaction in the bedroom. 

Decide what you will not put up with anymore and convey those clearly. State clear consequences if he doesn’t respect your basic wishes.

6. Do not respond to his selfish requests

Sometimes, a man might be selfish because he’s narcissistic. Narcissism makes him prioritize himself at all times in his life. 

If that’s the case, he’ll be pretty loud and pushy when he asserts his needs. You’ll be forced to cave to these ridiculous requests. It’s much harder to deal with narcissistic behaviors than selfishness. 

So, if he asks you to do all the household chores or be at his beck and call, say a strong NO. Ignore all the illogical demands despite how much you feel guilty. 

7. Take turns to do favors

Set up a routine of taking turns doing favors for each other. Suppose you can each have alternate weeks to meet each other’s needs.

Sometimes dominant people do not realize they are being selfish because nobody ever protested against them. 

So this particular routine might make things easier. He’ll understand that he, too, has some responsibilities and must prepare himself to follow those through. You will also get your own dedicated time to freely ask for things.

8. Do not stoop to his level

To deal with him successfully, you also have to focus on yourself. However, understand the difference between selfishness and caring for yourself.

Never become “selfish” like him because it will cause more trouble.

You are not a self-centered person, so think wisely before every action. Do not give him a chance to call you selfish.

Don’t create situations where he might turn the tables on you. Always keep yourself in check so you don’t become just like him!

9. Take time away when it gets too much

If you stay with an uncaring person, you’re bound to be exhausted. So take some time away from the relationship when you need it. 

Do not threaten him that you’d break up if he doesn’t change. Instead, let him know clearly why you are taking the time away and see if he changes his ways. 

If he’s worth the effort, he’ll make some real progress and fix his behavior.

10. Take him to couple’s therapy

Selfish people will never easily accept they are selfish. So, it might be difficult to take him to couples therapy but at least try!

Professional help will make your life easier and create a space for communication between both of you.

Tell him to give it a chance, and he can back off if he doesn’t like the first appointment. This will be enough to coax him to join you.

Remember, a good therapist can help him understand the issue and convince him to come again! 

11. Ask him to change his behavior to exact situations

The word “selfish” itself is quite offensive. So, if you want to avoid sounding rude, request him to change his behavior in individual cases.

For instance, you can say things like, “It hurts me when you don’t consider whether I want to hang out with your friends.”

This will address each thing that made you feel unloved and unheard without you saying the word ‘selfish.’

12. Spend quality time with your friends

Spend some time with your best friend regularly, even if he doesn’t accompany you. Your friends will make you feel loved and less stressed.

This will also help you take a breather and deal with him more patiently. After all, the constant stress will affect your health badly. 

Further, you can also take advice from your friends about how to deal with this situation and do this together.

13. Ask for help from both of your families

If you feel hurt all the time due to your man’s selfish attitude, reach out to your family for help. If there’s anyone with similar problems, seek their suggestions. And you will be able to think clearly once you have some distance from him.

If you have a good relationship with his family, you can also seek them. Or, know if there is anyone else with similar issues and learn how others deal with them!

14. Show him that he doesn’t have power over you

This one works if he emotionally blackmails you to do things that make you uncomfortable.

Show him that his tactics do not work on you, and you will always prioritize yourself when he is unreasonable. 

Do not let him order you around, and remember, he has no power over you! 

15. Decide if you should end the relationship

You deserve someone who makes you feel loved, so think about whether this relationship is worth dealing with.

There has to be a limit to where you draw the line. Otherwise, you will end up feeling miserable for a long time.

So, leave this man if you have to because better days are waiting for you.

A word from ThePleasantRelationship

It can be incredibly hard to deal with a selfish boyfriend. But you need to consistently follow these steps and not lose hope. Give all the paths a good try before you give up. 

But if nothing changes, the choice is yours. Consider whether you want to keep this relationship. You can also seek solo counseling to figure out your feelings.

If you don’t get any fulfillment from this man, do not stay with him. Start life afresh and be hopeful to meet your Mr. Right!

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